When Tony was a boy he dreamed of running away to the tax office just like his real dad. Instead he’s stuck with this circus of a life, each night having to throw buckets of colorful papers strips over a baying audience. He wanted normality in his life, he wanted stability yet he got this; an apparently fun life of jokes and madcap comedy.
His best friend was a clown called Soppy. She had designed her clown face around the great clowns of the late 20th Century; Bush, Major, and François Maurice Adrien Marie Mitterrand. She loved their pasty white mordant look. She went as far as having special skintone-coloured make up made exclusively for her appearance. Apparently, it was devised with the discarded skin flakes of other ex leaders.
Tony loved Soppy despite their age gap of around 18 years. He had always liked older women, ever since the time back when he was on a gap year travelling around Vietgran. Yet he would never admit his love of Soppy, or his jealousy of others who have been linked to her romantically. The latest being Simon, The Bearded Lady.
Simon was an unusual lady in that he wasn’t really a bearded lady. He was in fact a man who had undergone breast surgery as a bet. This boosted his moobs from an undisclosed size to a staggering 36H. Not many men could carry off such feats, but Simon was an ex-professional Shove ha’penny player, with an impressive record of 89 wins verses 24 total losses, including one ethical KO.
Simon was also instrumental in bringing the sport of Shove ha’penny to a wider audience, after being involved in launching Sky Sports Shove. The 18th specialist sports channel from Sky showing round the clock Shove ha’penny, Air hockey and the monthly International Shovel Championships from Prattville, Alabama.
Prattville, Alabama is also the home of “Pickle, The wonder Hog”™ famous around the world after the video of him eating a confederate flag was seen by twelve million people online. His heroics have also been made into a Hollywood movie, starring Draw Barrymore and Marty McConaughey. It followed Pickles’ plight at the hands of southern rednecks who wanted him to squeal like a human. The movie was a reasonable success in the foreign language markets of Slovenia, Chile and Abergavenny.
Research conducted after the film was shown in Abergavenny revealed the reasons for its success had nothing to do with the movie. Without realizing it, Pickle was dubbed into Welsh when the movie arrived onto Welsh shores. No other movie was available in Welsh at that time, so those die-hard Welsh fans had no other choice when visiting the cinema than to watch “Porc y Faner” as it was became.
The head of Welsh entertainment, Enillydd Cyw Iâr, released a cutting statement about the situation. “We in Wales deserve a better film industry to compete with the rest of the world. We gave birth to Richard Burton, Lee Dainton and Matthew Pritchard. Yet it’s Henry Secombe who really needs to step up and be counted. Too long has he hidden from the public eye. Where are you? Where are you, we need you now.” Enillydd Cyw Iâr recently resigned from his post after discovering Mr Secombe passed away in 2001.
Mr Secombe used to work for a travelling circus based out of Bradford, and held the grand title of “Wizard to the animals and grandeur to the hidden”. The title was created just for Henry after his contract negations with the Goof’s stalled. He wanted to spread his wings and be a “proper” actor, as he called it. Performing Shakespeere sonnets, Kafker’s Metamorphose and Eltonn’s We Will Rock You, the latter a crowd and personal favorite of Henry’s due to the use of the music of Salvage Garden.
The band came up with the name Salvage Garden after watching an episode of the hit Channel Four comedy Scrap Heap Challenge, where each week the sexual tension between Cryten and Little Liza was broken by the sound of burly men with facial hair hitting stuff to make other stuff. “The ‘play arena’ was something which I could only dream of growing up in uptown New York. I think it’s also why today I have a beard” said lead singer Josh Wonderfile.
The Wonderfiles were German property magnates who came to the USA in the early 1930’s from Spain. They quickly built up a portfolio of prime locations around New York, which are worth around $12b today. They also own most of Wisconsin and select parts of Devon and Cornwall, which they gave to their two sons, Josh and Simon.
There were fights between the two kids over who would have which bit. It was finally settled following the intervention of Tomas Dysonn, a local land owner and war-lord, who provided the ceremonial coin for the decisive coin-toss. Josh took Devon and Simon Cornwall. It’s here he learnt the art of shoving a ha’penny, and met Joko Owno; the reason he now has boobs.